In search of myself...

We think all the while we are awake. Or so we think! Of what? Anything. Everything. Everything that matters or doesn't. Is there a moment we aren't thinking? If we aren't, then the very consciousness that we aren't thinking anything is a thought in itself! What do these thoughts lead to? 'What's in it for me' is every human's prerequisite for involvement in something. The very need for a benefit out of something defines our way of life. Thoughts make a man - as beautifully put by Swami Vivekananda. Actions could be faked. Thoughts cannot, because it is an action that presents our thought to the outside world. When I say here that thoughts cannot be faked, I mean it cannot be faked to the conscience. Now is the interesting part. What is this conscience that bears true impartial witness to everything we do? Can it be suppressed? That something keeps ringing in our minds when we act good or bad that tells us if the act is actually acceptable to it or n...

Looks like I was posting about everything else except what was going on within me in most of the posts. This was happening when the title of my blog page spoke of a search of myself. This post is only a promise to myself that this will stop. Further posts would only dwell on what I think I should be thinking of. The beauty of life has marvelled me. I am in awe of its purpose and actually do not understand it. I would love to attempt cognizance and comprehension of my existence at a deeper level. I would love to know if I were talking of the right I. There is so much to ponder over. It cannot be possible that I came, lived and went. There is a larger purpose of the birth; of this very existence. Hoping for uplifting thoughts and action henceforth. All is well and shall be!

For a long time, I have been part of an online social network; started with Orkut and continues to Facebook till date. Obviously, I am also a WhatsApp worm. I am growing old, but still trending right?? So, what's new? Why am I blogging about being part of a network? This is about the dilemma I have that has stemmed from being part of these networks. What dilemma? Read on... When it all started, it was about adding a lot of friends. More friends was a measure of "social richness" if I could say it. So, anyone even remotely connected to a remote friend of mine was invited into my friends' list. In a few days, obviously, I had so many people on my list I didn't recognize and a lot of personal stuff that I didn't want the "not my friends" to see. Why did I end up in this situation? Madness. Plain and simple. Nothing else! Today, I am a lot more mature on such networks. I choose my friend list with caution and don't mind saying the occasional...

I, like most people I am sure have always wanted to go back to my childhood. There is a feeling bordering on desperation to relive atleast some of those moments, if not days. Nobody wants to live a bad life, not even a criminal. So, in earnest to go back to younger days, there is the intention to lead a better life. Something wrong about today makes me want to rewind. So, what's wrong? Or is it something right that I am interpreting to be wrong? Is my definition of right and wrong for myself an extreme expectation? Connecting the dots, I guess I went through everyday thinking that the previous day was better - thereby in everlasting belief that the past was always better than the present. It is exactly this feeling that gives rise to a fear of the future - that tomorrow's present would be worse than its past! Speaking on larger time dimensions, I could broadly classify my life so far into childhood, adolescence and adulthood (in alarmingly rapid succession). Which of these...

I still remember the days when I was reprimanded as a kid for watching cricket test matches on TV, the reason being the predominant lack of a sure unilateral result. Most games would leave bowlers and the viewers brain dead for it would take all 5 days of the test match to go through just the first innings of each side. I would not dare to say that there was a dearth of quality in games of yesteryears for it was then that the ball and the bat spoke more than the players did. It took more than just effort, strength of body and mind and lots of skill to survive a good bowling attack or get a good batsman out. The purist in me yearns for a repeat of this sweet reminiscence in the game of cricket. Wicketkeepers were devoted to their primary skill and displayed elegance of the highest order on the cricketing field with their unsurpassed glovework. They were part time batsmen not expected to play for long but still cause damage with cameos and some unorthodox batting. Spin bowlers gave the...

Percy Shelley did remark quite an era ago that when winter came, spring wouldn't be far behind. His poetic rendition on a beautiful fact of life is true, but I would recommend another season to Mr. Shelley and wish he would be / were already reborn in Chennai to appreciate this fact. So, assuming that the then Shelley, now reborn as probably a Selvaraj, is able to telepathically get the import of this blog, I continue... I was in an air-conditioned car today in the middle of a test track about 100 km from Chennai. It was a good start to a day of testing and everything seemed to be going smooth until about 9:30 am. Slowly, the pleasantness of the confined comfort zone started to express the crude reality of the world outside. The day was actually getting as hot as it was bright. I checked the computer to let the reality of the rising mercury sink in and it was about noon when I yelled with joy at seeing 40 deg Celsius. As someone who was brought up in the natural oven that is C...

I was recently going through the list of Bharat Ratna awardees and was surprised at a few things that crossed my mind as I scrolled down those big names. First, the qualification for a few people to have been awarded a Bharat Ratna was like this... "interim prime minister", "sixth president", etc... Is becoming prime minister or president an eligibility for a Bharat Ratna? This might be an easy question to evade by telling that the work they have done during their respective terms is what qualifies them to be a recipient of the prestigious Bharat Ratna. Second, there are only 3 awardees from the actual list of 41 winners that are living today - Dr. Abdul Kalam, Lata Mangeshkar and Prof. Amartya Sen. Many people have been awarded in the same year as their death, or a few years (2-3 years) before their death. Why would the committee realize that the individual is actually a "Ratna" so very late and so close to their death? I am only talking of the major...