A Letter From a Disgruntled Camaro Owner

"We receive quite a few letters from customers over here at Chevrolet. Some are good, and some offer “constructive criticism.” Normally we don’t publish them, but we really felt a need to share this letter. The author, Roger B., gave us permission to share portions of the letter about his 2010 Camaro.
- Adam Denison, Chevrolet Communications"
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"I just have way too many problems with this car. Let's start with the exterior:
1. The styling is too aggressive.
I'm a pretty passive person by nature and I don't want the personality of this car to project onto me. The front looks like a snarling animal ready to pounce. Scary.
2. The paint is too shiny.
I spent last Saturday applying ZAINO to the car and I must have done it wrong because I can't even tell what color it is anymore (Victory Red, BTW). All I can see is shine and reflection.
3. It's too sexy.
What with the curves and hips that the body features I'm starting to have feelings about this car that no Christian man should have. I haven't looked it up but I'm pretty sure it's a sin.
Now about the interior:
1. The seat fits too well.
I think Oshawans must have busted into my house while I was sleeping and measured my butt because the driver's seat feels like it was made for my body. Creepy.
2. The audio system is too loud.
I can't even have a decent conversation with my wife because the audio system is always blaring Classic Rock and we're singing at the top of our lungs. That can't be good for marital relations.
On to performance problems:
1. They gave me the wrong motor.
When I ordered the 1LT several "friends" intimated that I was a wuss for not getting the V8. The V6 is a "woman's car". (I'm sure they meant no offense...) I think the Oshawans seriously screwed up and gave me the V8 because this thing is way too fast for a V6. It practically LEAPS when I step on the gas.
2. There's no indication of excessive speed.
I'm used to a car shaking like a gypsy wagon (pots and pans clanging, dead chickens swinging) when I approach 70 mph but this thing is way too smooth. I'm just casually driving, happen to look down and, to my understandable HORROR, I'm doing 85! Smooth as air hockey. That CAN'T be good.
Finally - general overall problems:
1. The odometer must be WAY off.
There's no way I've put that many miles on it already. Just because I drive 45 miles round trip over twisty-turny country roads to get a hamburger, it shouldn't add up THAT fast. 110 miles round trip for a Chipotle burrito shouldn't be excessive. And don't even get me going about a T-Bone steak!
2. I'm unable to keep up with my TV watching.
I don't know what I'm going to do when 24 starts up again.
3. I hate letting it out of my sight.
I find myself parking 6 miles away from store entrances (after letting the wife out at the door - I'm not a caveman...) because I'm deathly afraid some crazy, loony, Charlie Manson looking nut-job will give me a door ding. I'm seriously angry if a butterfly farts on my car. I don't think my heart can take the stress.
4. People keep LOOKING at me.
I feel like I'm in a July 4th parade! I really can't stand all the attention. My smile muscles hurt and my right thumb is going to be in a cast at this rate. Who needs that?
So, as you can see, I have no choice but to return the Camaro since I can't imagine any of these problems ever being resolved.
Oh wait - CRAP! I just remembered... I sold my 60 day return policy back to the dealer for $500. Well, I'll just have to live with it. Maybe it will grow on me.

Signed - Roger B"