The baby way
I, like most people I am sure have always wanted to go back to my childhood. There is a feeling bordering on desperation to relive atleast some of those moments, if not days. Nobody wants to live a bad life, not even a criminal. So, in earnest to go back to younger days, there is the intention to lead a better life. Something wrong about today makes me want to rewind.
So, what's wrong? Or is it something right that I am interpreting to be wrong? Is my definition of right and wrong for myself an extreme expectation? Connecting the dots, I guess I went through everyday thinking that the previous day was better - thereby in everlasting belief that the past was always better than the present. It is exactly this feeling that gives rise to a fear of the future - that tomorrow's present would be worse than its past!
Speaking on larger time dimensions, I could broadly classify my life so far into childhood, adolescence and adulthood (in alarmingly rapid succession). Which of these phases do I want to rewind into? I remember very clearly that during childhood, I did stuff I was asked to do and didn't do stuff that I was forbidden from doing (obedient child I was). Innocence reigned, but wasn't appreciated and ignorance was slightly reprimanded. Cognitive that such obedience at times is dangerous at this time of life, maybe it is not a good choice.
Adolescence - This was a period of confusion. Wrong, Right, being a man, and a thousand other things in the head, which I know now were stupid and unnecessary. Innocence had then vaporised and ignorance reigned dangerously. There was an inflamed ego not to disclose that I didn't know something and that has accompanied me till date. So, I don't think I like the adolescent phase either.
Adulthood - I am enjoying my ability to keep thinking of what I am doing right and what is wrong. I don't enjoy the fact that I am doing some things wrong though I know they are wrong! It is precisely this that I want to be away from. Innocence for sure is gone, ignorance on matters that need to be known is still large and the ego makes me pretend to be all-knowing to hide ignorance. VIDYA zero and AVIDYA high phase this is. Unlearning first before learning the essential is required.
There is one phase of life that all of us have been through that we don't remember. That was the time when we were loved the most, we were cared for by everyone, we looked at everyone the same way, we made eye contact, we laughed, cried and shouted at will unaware of the outcome. We gave joy to people no matter what our actions. There wasn't an ego, there wasn't doubt. We marvelled innocently at almost everything. We were all blissful babies. Our present day actions don't give us these outcomes purely because we have ceased to exist that way. Isn't it natural that it is this phase that we don't remember, but is imbibed subconsciously in all of us that we should strive to become again?
Yes, an adult baby, oxymoronic as it sounds, is what I want to be. Not childish, but child-like!!
So, what's wrong? Or is it something right that I am interpreting to be wrong? Is my definition of right and wrong for myself an extreme expectation? Connecting the dots, I guess I went through everyday thinking that the previous day was better - thereby in everlasting belief that the past was always better than the present. It is exactly this feeling that gives rise to a fear of the future - that tomorrow's present would be worse than its past!
Speaking on larger time dimensions, I could broadly classify my life so far into childhood, adolescence and adulthood (in alarmingly rapid succession). Which of these phases do I want to rewind into? I remember very clearly that during childhood, I did stuff I was asked to do and didn't do stuff that I was forbidden from doing (obedient child I was). Innocence reigned, but wasn't appreciated and ignorance was slightly reprimanded. Cognitive that such obedience at times is dangerous at this time of life, maybe it is not a good choice.
Adolescence - This was a period of confusion. Wrong, Right, being a man, and a thousand other things in the head, which I know now were stupid and unnecessary. Innocence had then vaporised and ignorance reigned dangerously. There was an inflamed ego not to disclose that I didn't know something and that has accompanied me till date. So, I don't think I like the adolescent phase either.
Adulthood - I am enjoying my ability to keep thinking of what I am doing right and what is wrong. I don't enjoy the fact that I am doing some things wrong though I know they are wrong! It is precisely this that I want to be away from. Innocence for sure is gone, ignorance on matters that need to be known is still large and the ego makes me pretend to be all-knowing to hide ignorance. VIDYA zero and AVIDYA high phase this is. Unlearning first before learning the essential is required.
There is one phase of life that all of us have been through that we don't remember. That was the time when we were loved the most, we were cared for by everyone, we looked at everyone the same way, we made eye contact, we laughed, cried and shouted at will unaware of the outcome. We gave joy to people no matter what our actions. There wasn't an ego, there wasn't doubt. We marvelled innocently at almost everything. We were all blissful babies. Our present day actions don't give us these outcomes purely because we have ceased to exist that way. Isn't it natural that it is this phase that we don't remember, but is imbibed subconsciously in all of us that we should strive to become again?
Yes, an adult baby, oxymoronic as it sounds, is what I want to be. Not childish, but child-like!!
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