In search of myself...

What is in it for me? The constant question in my mind before taking up a task. I don't think I like asking that question but I frankly am unable to give up on it yet. I believe this is the thought in many people's minds and is something I would like to dwell upon. This question is quite dangerous because it could unconsciously cause inaction, or subdued action because the doer at times may not be able to see all the benefits of the action. Also, there is possibility of prioritizing other action with seemingly larger benefits while reality would say otherwise. Disinterest in the benefits while performing the action would help remove far foresight and focus on requisite action. Isn't this what is exactly told in the Gita? Merits and Demerits from an action are not to be thought of as the doer is absolutely in no control of them. What is required is consciousness and devotion to the action to be done and this detachment from the result helps retain poise when result does...

We were taught the "scientific" way in school. What did it say? Ask questions!!! Why, what, when, where, which, how... Endlessly, until you are satisfied with the answer. A good way to learn - a really good way. There was probably an implicit message in there that we didn't read. Let us ponder. As a child, we were forbidden from doing many things - for reasons of safety, ethics, tradition, etc. We couldn't talk back or ask questions about them. A revolt was stirring within. There was the urge to break free and run away from all restriction. Anyone that imposed it was the enemy, no matter how near in kith and kin. As we aged and went to higher classes in school / college, that feeling just grew and slowly, it started to show outside. Rank mistrust, disobedience in the name of being more "educated" than our elders fed that ego within and fueled authoritarian nerves. Today, as we age, as we see our children grow and as we impose restrictions on our ch...

We think all the while we are awake. Or so we think! Of what? Anything. Everything. Everything that matters or doesn't. Is there a moment we aren't thinking? If we aren't, then the very consciousness that we aren't thinking anything is a thought in itself! What do these thoughts lead to? 'What's in it for me' is every human's prerequisite for involvement in something. The very need for a benefit out of something defines our way of life. Thoughts make a man - as beautifully put by Swami Vivekananda. Actions could be faked. Thoughts cannot, because it is an action that presents our thought to the outside world. When I say here that thoughts cannot be faked, I mean it cannot be faked to the conscience. Now is the interesting part. What is this conscience that bears true impartial witness to everything we do? Can it be suppressed? That something keeps ringing in our minds when we act good or bad that tells us if the act is actually acceptable to it or n...

Looks like I was posting about everything else except what was going on within me in most of the posts. This was happening when the title of my blog page spoke of a search of myself. This post is only a promise to myself that this will stop. Further posts would only dwell on what I think I should be thinking of. The beauty of life has marvelled me. I am in awe of its purpose and actually do not understand it. I would love to attempt cognizance and comprehension of my existence at a deeper level. I would love to know if I were talking of the right I. There is so much to ponder over. It cannot be possible that I came, lived and went. There is a larger purpose of the birth; of this very existence. Hoping for uplifting thoughts and action henceforth. All is well and shall be!

For a long time, I have been part of an online social network; started with Orkut and continues to Facebook till date. Obviously, I am also a WhatsApp worm. I am growing old, but still trending right?? So, what's new? Why am I blogging about being part of a network? This is about the dilemma I have that has stemmed from being part of these networks. What dilemma? Read on... When it all started, it was about adding a lot of friends. More friends was a measure of "social richness" if I could say it. So, anyone even remotely connected to a remote friend of mine was invited into my friends' list. In a few days, obviously, I had so many people on my list I didn't recognize and a lot of personal stuff that I didn't want the "not my friends" to see. Why did I end up in this situation? Madness. Plain and simple. Nothing else! Today, I am a lot more mature on such networks. I choose my friend list with caution and don't mind saying the occasional...

I, like most people I am sure have always wanted to go back to my childhood. There is a feeling bordering on desperation to relive atleast some of those moments, if not days. Nobody wants to live a bad life, not even a criminal. So, in earnest to go back to younger days, there is the intention to lead a better life. Something wrong about today makes me want to rewind. So, what's wrong? Or is it something right that I am interpreting to be wrong? Is my definition of right and wrong for myself an extreme expectation? Connecting the dots, I guess I went through everyday thinking that the previous day was better - thereby in everlasting belief that the past was always better than the present. It is exactly this feeling that gives rise to a fear of the future - that tomorrow's present would be worse than its past! Speaking on larger time dimensions, I could broadly classify my life so far into childhood, adolescence and adulthood (in alarmingly rapid succession). Which of these...